ENVY
The dictionary defines envy as a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or good luck.
Envy is synonymous with jealousy.
Jealousy …hostility toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage… although unlike jealousy per se., envy has the added dimension of “wanting possession” of the thing/characteristic/object of envy.
Synonyms for envy abound …to begrudge, to resent, feel malice (towards another), to hate, to feel bitterness, to covet.
An envy story:
Doc. I was driving to the grocery store yesterday and was passed by this family in a new Mercedes. Damn! I thought. “Look at them” “Happy family, beautiful car, big career, gorgeous home and Not a care in the world,” And me? It’s all misery from the get go. Out of work, in a crappy car, out of options, out of luck.
“Doc, What have they done so right that I got so wrong? What’s wrong with me!”
What’s your reaction to this story?
What’s making this person miserable?
Is envy involved?
Look around. Notice the people. Are they “better off” than you? It’s tempting to say, “YES.” Why? After all, you’re in charge of what you see and how you think. If you want everyone to be better off than you, so be it. You can complain and compare all you want. You’re not going to complain if you feel better-off than others, so envy can be your reason to complain.
“YOU” make envy strong or weak.
Make a list of times you felt envious.
How are these connected?
We are keenly aware of our flaws. We all have them. We all feel bad from time to time and for one reason or another. Heck, we don’t even need a reason. Think about missed opportunities. Competitions lost, chances passed up. Every person reading this has made mistakes - sometimes on purpose, acted stupid, been rejected, hurt ourselves or others. To dwell on these is to feel unfulfilled. Keep going and it’s guaranteed you’ll be miserable. This is called: “An Envious Mindset.”
Psychologist measure feelings like envy. Below is a diagram based on the THE BENIGN AND MALICIOUS ENVY SCALE (BeMaS)
BENIGN AND MALICIOUS ENVY SCALE (BeMaS)
Instructions Envy is the desire to possess another’s achievements, possessions, abilities. It’s an emotion most of us have felt. Individuals vary in how envious they are.
Indicate (by Circling the best answer) how much you would agree with the following statements: 1=I Strongly Disagree, 2=I Disagree, 3=I Somewhat Disagree, 4=I Somewhat Agree, 5=I Agree, 6=I Strongly Agree.
1. When I envy others, I focus on how I can become equally successful in the future.
StrD 1 / D 2 / SmwD 3 / SmwA 4 / A 5 / StrA 6
2. I wish that superior people would lose their advantage.
StrD 1 / D 2 / SmwD 3 / SmwA 4 / A 5 / StrA 6
3. If I notice that another person is better than me, I try to improve myself.
StrD 1 / D 2 / SmwD 3 / SmwA 4 / A 5 / StrA 6
4. Envying others motivates me to accomplish my goals.
StrD 1 / D 2 / SmwD 3 / SmwA 4 / A 5 / StrA 6
5. If other people have something I want for myself, I want to take it from them.
StrD 1 / D 2 / SmwD 3 / SmwA 4 / A 5 / StrA 6
6. I feel ill will toward people I envy.
StrD 1 / D 2 / SmwD 3 / SmwA 4 / A 5 / StrA 6
7. I strive to reach other people’s superior achievements.
StrD 1 / D 2 / SmwD 3 / SmwA 4 / A 5 / StrA 6
8. Envious feelings cause me to dislike the other person.
StrD 1 / D 2 / SmwD 3 / SmwA 4 / A 5 / StrA 6
9. If someone has superior qualities, achievements or possessions, I try to attain them for myself.
StrD 1 / D 2 / SmwD 3 / SmwA 4 / A 5 / StrA 6
10. Seeing other people’s achievements makes me resent them.
StrD 1 / D 2 / SmwD 3 / SmwA 4 / A 5 / StrA 6
-BeMaS Interpretation: Two types of envy.
Benign envy: Felt because of another’s perceived superiority, but does not incite or motivate hostility towards the other.
Malicious intent: Desire to see another fail or to take actions to harm the envied other’s success.
Benign envy
Average of total items 1, 3, 4, 7 and 9
Malicious intent
Average of total items 2, 5, 6, 8 and 10
Study 1: 192 adult volunteers. Average benign envy score 4.12, average malicious intent score 2.54.
Study 2: 474 adult volunteers. Average benign envy score 3.41, average malicious intent score 1.58.
Reference: Lange, J., & Crusius, J. (2015). Dispositional envy revisited: Unraveling the motivational dynamics of benign and malicious envy. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 41(2), 284-294.
If you score higher than average on benign envy, you are probably open to improving your situation. Sure, it might be coming from a more primitive motivation to get ahead of the other person (versus helping others to get better as you improve), but it is achievement oriented none-the-less.
If you score above the average on malicious envy, you are probably experiencing some anger and some self-justification that you deserve what the other person has. You might be sitting at home stewing over someone else’s advantage,
At an extreme level, envy can be why some groups plot to take away the advantage of others. Our current national political system shows features of malicious envy (one group wants advantage, and this group thinks it’s best to take away the other group’s gains to secure their own advantage).
ORGINS OF ENVY
Envy has been with us since the dawn of humanity. This isn’t surprising since we live in a world with finite resources and envy can be a distinguishing consequence of the “haves” and “have nots.” I can’t say who was the first person to ever experience envy, but I do know that it is listed among the “Seven Deadly Sins.”
Bible Definition: ENVY as one of the Seven Deadly Sins
Pride: excessive preoccupation with self and one's own importance, achievements, status, or possessions.
Greed: the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual
Wrath: uncontrolled feelings of anger, rage, and hatred
Envy: jealousy over the blessings and achievements of others
Lust: an uncontrolled or illicit desire or appetite
Gluttony: over-indulgence and over-consumption of food, drink or wealth items
Sloth: the desire for ease, even at the expense of doing the known will of God
The Seven Deadly Sins is a term linked to the monastic traditions of early Christian Egypt (c. 1264–1321). Labelled by Thomas Aquinas as "capital SINS" (in roughly c. 1272) because they are, as he states, “…the head and form…” of all the other sins. The concept of “sin” in this historical context is: “Going against God and God’s perfect ways,” and in this sense, “sin” is defined as “the transgression of the law of God” (see Bible: 1 John 3-4).
This primary listing of “Seven Deadly Sins” is certainly implied throughout the Bible, but there is actually no direct reference to this “sin grouping” in the Bible and no where in the Bible are they compiled into a single list.
Be that as it may, these features of human emotion (Pride, Greed, Wrath, Envy…) are everywhere in biblical and other scriptural writings and traditions.
It’s fair to say envy is all too easy to associate with psychological pain and misery. Revenge, for example, frequently comes from envy.
Some have noticed subtle positive features of envy. For example, envy can give us information about our standing in society. It can be an impetus to improve. As noted earlier, Benign Envy might increase our motivation to achieve.
Even if envy is NOT all bad, it feels bad to experience envy emotions, especially when a person tends to dwell on them. Certainly, if envy can’t be prevented it should be managed because “envy out-of-control” is deadly to one’s self and others.
ENVY AND PSYCHOPATHOLOGY
Depression, which we have discussed in another “After the Session” Blog Entry (Bipolar Disorder, October 16, 2021), is an individual’s negative view of the self, the world, and the future through uncontrollable and frequent negative thoughts characterized by pessimism.
Several documented features of depression are linked to Envy
People with high envy are more sensitive to social comparisons.
The valence of social comparison is that the envious person feels “worse off”.
Envy promotes a feeling of abject inferiority.
Envious people push others away by intolerance of others’ achievements or successes.
Rigidity, a symptom of depression, prevents reframing envious thoughts.
Depression does NOT impede insight, but depressive insight is mostly of negative valence. The Depressed view is enviousness of those not depressed.
STEVE AND SUSIE
(note, this is stock public domain image, not actual couple)
I worked with a couple for many years, Steve and Susie.
Susie was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. She received this diagnosis when they married 35 years ago although she has probably had depressives features since early childhood. Steve labels himself as the spousal caregiver. In their 35 year marriage, Susie has made three suicide attempts (always medication overdoses), been hospitalized once for a week, been on drug treatment for depression for 30+ years (she was treated for depression as an adolescent). She has received (during a five year interval) several full courses of ECT along with a whole range of non-traditional therapies (acupuncture, transcranial magnetic stimulation, exercise regimens, hormones, and so forth).
Susie cannot and has never worked even though she has tried. When she has attempted to work she has failed to hold down any paid employment even volunteer work for more than a few months. The couple has three children, all daughters. The daughters (who are now adults) each carry a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder. Two daughters are divorced, one never married. Steve, on the other hand, has never experienced depressive symptoms (by his report). As far back as he can remember he was a happy and content child and adolescent.
They were seeing me (as a couple) because Susie’s profound resentment of Steve is eroding their marriage. Susie envies Steve for his good mental health. Steve says, he can’t understand why she is depressed, never could from the get-go. He acknowledges the consequences of her mental health condition on their lives. He praises her for suffering through her condition. They are modestly wealthy. Neither would need to work for a living, but Steve continues work as a hedge fund manager. He works from home to keep an eye on Susie.
Steve says he’s made accommodations. Susie doesn’t believe his accommodations, can’t hear Steve’s encouragement, and harbors resentments towards Steve and his “supposed” good life in the presence of her illness. This pains Steve, but he shrugs it off with a generally positive attitude, sometimes dismissive of her complaints (“I’m not getting caught up in her drama”). Susie has from time to time wanted a divorce and has told Steve that he is the root cause of her depression. She does, however, report a history of depression before they were married.
Where is envy in this Story?
How would you approach this couple? Should they get a divorce?
Do you identify with Steve or Susie?
How to intervene? Would it be around envy?
I am leaving you to think this one over. I did eventually intervene, but I want you to contemplate your approach.
A “NEXT SECTION” is dealing with envy. I think people have ideas to deal with envy.
What are yours?