I think almost everyone would agree that people talk to themselves.
It’s not as if we walk around talking to ourselves like we would if we were visiting with a friend, spouse, or partner, but, in actuality, that’s what we do.
“Self, How are you doing today? Not bad, could be better. Thanks for asking.”
Most people talk with themselves internally. By this I mean many people carry on a running intrapsychic monologue or dialogue. The content covers all kinds of topics. The song line, “Should I stay or Should I go” is germane to this discussion.
Is Self-Talk Normal?
The answer is, Yes. Because, after all, the most important person in the world to you is you. Unless you are clinically depressed, you want the very best for yourself. You count on yourself.
If you can’t count on yourself, Who can you count on? You care about what happens to you. You get angry with yourself when you make a mistake. You congratulate yourself when you succeed. You talk to yourself to solve problems or manage situations. You forgive yourself when you do something that you believe is wrong.
It was Plato, ca 369, who made an early connections between thinking and self talk when he wrote that thinking was: “the conversation which the soul holds with herself in considering of anything. […] The soul when thinking appears to me to be just talking — asking questions of herself and answering them, affirming and denying.” (Theaetetus 190a, translation by Jowett 1871)…
The idea of talking to oneself (which is a kind of thinking) has been operationalized as a developmental phenomenon. Most philosophers and psychologists would agree with this point. For example, Vygotsky a Russian developmental theorist wrote that self talk develops out of what he called “social talk.”
An infant hears adults talk and then begins to self talk (or mimic) what she or he hears. This is normative developmental behavior and a precursor to higher mental processing. For example, abstract thinking emerges from an internalization of social interaction.
Quoting Vygotsky:
Children master the social forms of behaviour and transfer these forms to themselves. … I shall relate to myself as people relate to me. …Any function in the child’s cultural development appears twice, or on two planes. First it appears on the social plane, and then on the psychological (or intrapsychic) plane…This is equally true with regard to voluntary attention, logical memory, the formation of concepts, and the development of volition…All higher mental functions are internalized social relationships. (Vygotsky 1981: 158, 163-164)
Ways to Think about Self-Talk
Of the ways to think about self-talk, one is that self-talk is developmental behavior learned in infancy through childhood and adulthood from social talk.
Another way is that self talk is psychological or intrapsychic. In this regard, self talk is a kind of self-referential behavior to facilitate personal decision-making, understanding, communicating with others, interpreting, etc.
Self-Talk and “self-referential behavior”
Self-referential behavior is the processing of information relevant to oneself.
Behavioral studies have shown that directional cueing stimuli exert a qualitatively different function during attentional orienting after presentation of a cue that is associated with self.
To make the above sentence understandable, break it down into its parts.
Self-reference refers to the tendency to remember better, information that is linked to one’s self than when it is NOT linked to self.
Self-talk is an internal dialogue with yourself (in your head so-to-speak), or a point and counter-point through an inner mental voice. You might not be aware that you're engaging in self talk, but you almost certainly are, frequently, every day. This inner mental voice may be multiple voices combining conscious thoughts with inherent beliefs and biases in an internal monologue (or dialogue).
An example of self-reference thinking: You go on two trips and stay at four hotels (two hotels for each trip). The lobby of one hotel reminds you of your living room in the home where you grew up (self-reference). Let’s say you are planning a future trip, your traveling partner asks: What kind of hotel you would like to stay in? You try to recall all the hotels you’ve ever stayed in and immediately this hotel lobby comes to mind (cue), then, this memory causes recall of the hotel chain, which then cues you to recall where this hotel was located. You say, “I recall this great hotel at XXX. I’d like stay in this hotel chain, I think it was Hilton. It’s a great place. Felt like home.”
I’m not saying that self-reference cueing is the only reason people select things, but it does impact memory which then influences behavior. When you are cued, this cue pulls you towards something or pushes you away (If you grew up in awful circumstances then the lobby-to-living room self-reference cue might signal avoidance).
The point is self talk is internal stimuli you attend to. Attending can, at times, be so strong that you feel compelled to focus on it. Sometimes you might override a cue and decide to disregard it because, for example, it’s bad advice, but, still, it does cue you. You might say, “Even though I feel compelled to do this, if I do it, I know I will suffer, so I’m NOT going to do it.
Where Does Self Talk Come From?
Self Talk comes from you.
As in Plato, noted earlier, it comes from your own logic and reason. It also comes from your past experiences.
It comes from your personal conceptions and ideas that you generate and maintain. Preconceived ideas, memories from the past, for example. These can be realistically accurate or inaccurate. This is also a source of bias.
It comes from culture. How you have been socialized. “When I enter this home should I take my shoes off or leave them on?”
It comes from where you live. Your self-talk is probably different than self-talk of someone, say, in Poland or in China or in Japan. Self talk in the English language may be slightly different than self-talk in Mandarin or Russian language. When you are influenced by “good” or “evil.” This is cultural. “Good” and “Evil” are culturally derived concepts.
It comes from your unconscious. Some theorists and philosophers (like Carl Jung, Sigmund Freud, William James) argue that this is innate within you (drives) or larger than yourself (collective unconscious). Perhaps your genetic make-up or your biological propensities which are features of you as a human progenitor of many generations of human beings impacts the nature and quality of your self talk. Your preferences and choices are shaped in subtle ways by these forces.
It may come from a supernatural source. This includes God, Angels, departed ancestors who might be speaking to you in some way, Demons, Devils, Karma, fate, destiny etc.
When you pray, Do you talk to God or do you talk to yourself? Who knows for sure? But, at its most elemental level, praying is a kind of self talk that happens to be addressed to a non-corporeal other. Most people listen to their own prayers. Maybe that’s how God wants it. People listening to their own inner advice in prayer as a self talk phenomenon. In this case, whether God hears it or not is irrelevant. The prayer (or self talk) is for you.
Self Talk is Connected to Our Sense of Self
It’s difficult to discuss Self Talk without some information about the concept of “Self.” The topic of “Self” has been studied by psychologists for ages. There is a sub-field of psychology called, “Self Psychology.” Some psychologists and therapists call themselves “Self Psychologists”
What is Self anyway? The answer depends on what theorist or philosopher or psychologist you want to listen to. For example, one brand of Self Theory developed in the 1890’s by the Dutch Psychologist, Hubert Hermans was based on the phenomenon of self talk as a dialogue.
How you talk to yourself has a lot to do with what's going on around you and the relationships you build with things and people. Hermans studied written narratives, so he described self talk as communication between “subject” and “object.” For example, you are a subject and when you visit with a friend. Friend is object. Self talk is when the subject and the object is only you. The self talk same subject/object dyad is what Hermans labelled the dialogical self. This is a polyphonic framework (polyphonic = producing many internal voices or points of view simultaneously). So, “dialogic self talk” is comprised of a multiplicity of inner voices. Internal dialogical activity implies an exchange of thoughts or ideas between at least two so-called “I-positions” representing one individual, but sometimes different points of view. “I love my partner and I hate my partner” In these two “I-positions,” the function of self-talk is self-criticism, self-reinforcement, self-management, and social assessment. “I love my partner and I hate my partner, but still, I want to live with my partner, so to manage this opposite point of view, I’ll focus on why I love my partner and overlook what I hate about my partner.”
Inner dialogues refer to intrapersonal (within the person) communication where self-generated, but different, self talk voices representing not only you but close persons as imagined images or fantasy counterpoints to the yourself such as imagined friends, absent relatives and spouses, teachers and mentors, media stars, voices of culture, and others.
I recently learned about some software apps where you can program an avatar that learns your propensities, your vocabulary, your way of thinking, and then you program it to give you affirmative messages that will embellish your positive self talk monologue/dialogue. The explicit generation of an “imagined other.” Such apps are a simplified version of your own voice or counter-voice (for dialogic communication).
ADVERTIZEMENT
(I took this directly from the internet)
Self-talk apps can give you motivation and inspiration for the day ahead, and just to be the best version of “you” that you can possibly be. If you’ve never tried these kinds of apps as a form of self-improvement don’t disregard them before you’ve even tried. They can be very effective and there are many popular ones out there right now.
I actually worked with a client who programmed one of these apps to create critical or belittling messages to him or her (The person called the avatar - “My Little Demon.”) This person believed that barraging him/herself with negative self-messages would help the person learn to resist, better, these kinds of messages and having an exact opposite point of view would improve this person’s decision-making ability. I’m not sure how well it work, but the attempt highlights, for me, the varied ways that this technology can be applied to influence the self talk process.
What Happens When Self Talk Goes Awry?
People self talk in ways that criticize and belittle themselves. You may have experienced this.
Below is a young woman’s self talk just after a romantic relationship breakup.
Joey told me he’s breaking up.
He says it has nothing to do with me. He’s not ready for a relationship.
Joey says he would make me miserable.
My question is: Why didn’t “Joey” like me enough to marry me?
It’s because I’m ugly. Right? But, I’m NOT the ugliest person on the planet.
I won’t ever get married. (feeling of panic)
I can’t finish College.
I keep changing majors.
Maybe Joey broke up with me because I can’t decide on a College major.
Even if Joey said he wanted to marry me and he had a ring, and he wanted to get engaged, right now, I would tell him NO. Why? Because I’m not sure I love him anyway.
But, then, I’d be worse off. By saying, NO, is stupid when I really want someone to marry me. I’m more confused now than ever. (feeling of frustration)
The next time I’m asked out, I’m saying No. I’m saying No because that’s who I am. I’m a nobody. Nobody wants a nobody. (feeling of discouragement)
This is self talk turmoil. She’s upset that Joey doesn’t want a long-term relationship. Whose fault? Joey says his. Either way, she self talks afterwards. Negative words are bouncing around. Emotions are welling up inside. What’s influencing the valence of self-talk? Putting herself down, belittling herself.
What to do? How can she short-stop negative self talk?
Questions like this are difficult to answer. What’s her back story?
You are privy to this young woman’s self talk. How do you think she would feel if she knew you could hear her self talk? How would she react to you if you were standing next to her and listening? Listening in on her internal private world would pierced a deeply personal process; that is, if you could hear her self talk. The truth is, you can’t hear her self-talk. We keep our self talk to ourselves. Why? For one reason, it’s our private domain where we work out problems, wrestle with issues, really question who we are. Air our strange and crazy ideas in safety because no one knows what we are saying or thinking to or about ourselves.
Self Talk Characteristics of Psychiatric Disorders
Is self talk linked to psychopathology?
Most people would say, YES. If so, what are the links?
Below are examples of links:
When self talk won’t stop. When internal conversations become so tenacious and persistent it overwhelms the person. When self talk keeps going and going and stays with the person day-in and day-out even though it might not make any sense to the person is cause for feeling out-of-control. This kind of self talk can, literally, drive a person crazy. This is Rumination
When self talk ideas become highly confabulatory; that is, a person might start saying unusual things to him or herself. Like, an inner voice that demands the person engage in self-harm behavior. For example, an internal demand that turns to an impulse to drive off the road. Sometimes, this voice (or inner impulse) comes in the form of a demand or even a command. Doctor, “I’m hearing voices and they’re commanding me to do crazy things.” This could be symptomatic of a thought disorder, like schizophrenia or paranoia.
When self talk gets overly possessive. The person must have (or possess) something or someone. The desire for this thing or person becomes all-encompassing. Then, the person can’t help but deliberate on how to get it. This is a type of a rumination, but with a specific goal in mind. This self talk is: obsessional (or obsessive)
When self talk is dominated by self-critical or self-degrading content. I’m worthless, I’m helpless, I’m hopeless. “Why am I such a miserable person.” “No one wants to be around me.” “I have no purpose in life.” This self talk is: Depressive.
When self talk persuades a person to act on an unrealistic fear or creates a mindset that some type of harm to the person will occur. This is even when there is nothing apparent to fear. This self talk is: Paranoid and Anxious
When self talk generates ideas or beliefs that make no realistic sense. I once had a client who had convinced himself that he had a plastic radio implanted inside his nose. He told me he thought he could hear music coming from the radio. This self talk is: Delusional
As you read these examples it might occur to you that self talk is embedded in any diagnosable psychiatric disorder. Take: Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD or ICD-10 F41.1). What are the self talk symptoms of GAD?
Feeling restless, wound-up, or on-edge.
Being easily fatigued.
Having difficulty concentrating.
Being irritable.
Having headaches, muscle aches, stomachaches, or unexplained pains.
Difficulty controlling feelings of worry.
Having sleep problems, such as difficulty falling or staying asleep.
Think about your own self talk. Are you engaging in an internal monologue or dialogue around a content theme? “Difficulty controlling…worry” would seem susceptible to self talk. “I shouldn’t let this worry me.” “But, then again, this thing might make make me worse.” “This thing will never go away…” “I wish I wasn’t always worrying about this thing…” etc., etc.
Human beings shape their world by their thoughts, sensations, ideas, and perceptions. Stereotyping is how thoughts and perceptions can get twisted and shaped by an individual’s bias. Self Talk is the intrapsychic engine that shapes and forms the world into “your” world. A world that you know and think you understand. Just like being persuaded to change your mind by another person through the process of discussion, self talk is the process by which you change your own mind by your own internal dialogue.
Self Talk is an observable manifestation of a person’s intrapsychic world. Every person has a highly elaborated and distinct internal world filled with ideas, sensations, viewpoints, feelings, impulses, thoughts of all types. It stands to reason that the same way you communicate with others, the act of conversation which reveals to another person your views and ideas, this same type of conversant dialogue goes on within yourself. You shape and change yourself and your ideas, your thoughts, perceptions, views, etc.
Influencing Self Talk
A common question question clients ask me, and they ask it sometimes over and over is, “Doctor, How can I change my own way of thinking about myself and others?”
How does a person influence self talk?
There are some specific strategies. Some of these work better than others.
Reframing the meaning of Self Talk Content
This, in its simplified form, is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy CBT (it has been labeled Dialectical Behavior Therapy to emphasize the “dialogue” feature of this process). It has also been labeled “Rational Emotive Therapy” and a host of other labels and phrases.
CBT is based on several core principles, including: (I’ve added “Self Talk”)
Psychological problems are based on faulty ways of thinking and self talk.
Psychological problems are based on learned patterns of unhelpful behavior.
People can learn better ways of coping with others, relieving symptoms.
CBT treatment is changing thinking and self talk patterns.
Learning to recognize one’s distortions in thinking and self talk that are creating problems, and then to reevaluate them in light of reality.
Understanding other’s behavior and motivation.
Problem-solving self talk dialogue to cope.
Affirm confidence in one’s abilities through directed self talk.
CBT treatment involves is changing behavioral patterns.
Facing one’s fears.
Using role playing self talk to prepare for problematic interactions.
Self Talk to calm one’s mind and relax one’s body.
Disrupting Self Talk
Self talk can be disrupted by simply telling yourself to stop talking to yourself. This can be done by inserting different content in your self talk dialogue. Singing a song during a self talk dialogue, or other forms of behavioral distraction (rubber band around a wrist that you snap when you recognized self talk going in an unhelpful direction).
Pharmacological substances: SSRI’s (Prozac), benzodiazipines (Xanax), and other stronger psychoactive drugs (Aripiprazole, Olanzapine) literally impacts your cognitive processing and will, as a consequence, disrupt self talk. You may have experienced or heard people who take these drugs say, “I can no longer focus or hold thoughts for any period of time.” You must hold self talk dialogue information (in working memory), disrupting the functional process of thinking disrupts self talk. If memory is disrupted, even pharmacologically, then self talk is disrupted.
Replacing Self Talk
An approach to addressing self talk is to simply replace “all talk.” Short of anesthetizing yourself (for example, with alcohol or a pharmacological substance) there are psychological ways to replace self talk with an alternative form of thought. One goal of meditation is training your mind to focus and feel unattached to anything in this world. Mindfulness, a variant of meditation, is the conscious effort control your thoughts by non attachment. It is working to create the experience of quietness within yourself. As you practice a meditative approach, you shape your mental focus towards something other than your own internal dialogue, often, a mantra which is incompatible with active self talk.
Developmental Change in Self Talk (Growing Up)
This category of influence is difficult to operationalize. Developmental Change is a comprehensive phenomenon that incorporates personal values, beliefs, ideas, and proclivities. I’m sure most people would agree that change happens in thought processes with the passage of time and the accumulation of life experience. Wisdom, for example, is a characteristic that evolves over time, and learning to be open to new experiences and ways of thinking is a dynamic feature of wisdom. This occurs in subtle ways. Learning to be open to new perspectives from others (even from yourself), for example, can impact the nature and intensity of self talk. Insight therapy builds on this idea; that is, negative self talk over time can be consciously shaped into a way of thinking less threatening to wellbeing.
For example, Can you watch something negative happening, on television or near you without being emotionally or psychologically threatened by the observed event?
Wisdom includes the capacity to engage, but not necessarily become over-identified or involved. The wise person understands him or herself and the self is not threatened when circumstances in others change. Wisdom is a kind of stability and confidence that tends to mediate the negative emotional impact of self talk. But, real learning of principles of wisdom are usually slow, incremental, and so comprehensive that you might not even realize your thought processes are changing or adapting for the better.
For example, How well can you deliberate on an issue, in your mind, without coming to a judgement or position on the issue until you have had time to fully deliberate on it?
In this regard, wisdom influences the nature of self talk by shaping one’s basic sense of self.
THIS ENTRY IS NOT COMPLETE, MORE CONTENT COMING. August 5, 2022