Living Deliberately
In an Impulsive World
What is the secret to good mental health?
“Deliberate Living”.
What is “deliberate living”?
Deliberation defined: (Meriam Webster): 1a: …the act of thinking about or discussing something and deciding carefully [to act or not to act]. (as in the act of deliberating [or] After much deliberation, she decided to accept the offer.)
The noun deliberation comes from Middle English (1150—1500). Its usage back then is the same as it is today. A common variation of deliberation in early Latin 15c., is, deliberatus or "resolved upon” or to be “determined,” or to “consider carefully.” Deliberation literally means to "weigh well" which comes from libra meaning "pair of scales”, or a “balance."
Deliberation was early on, altered probably by the influence of liberare or "to completely free or liberate", the prefix “de”, means "entirely or completely" (see de+) liberare = deliberare, The word, deliberare was characterized in the 1590’s, as “slowness in decision” or “consciously unhurried."
Why is this word etymology important?
Recall the “Herman Hesse” quote:
For every “[t]rue” statement there is an opposite one that is also “[t]rue”; that language and the confines of time lead people to adhere to mostly one fixed belief and this does not account for the fullness of the “[t]ruth”.
Antonyms (or opposites) of “deliberate” are impulsive, unknowing, inadvertent, incidental, random, and accidental.
The opposite of “deliberate” can be, but is NOT always, problematic.
There are circumstances where acting deliberately is not possible or advisable (if you are being accosted by a bear, this is not the time to deliberate, just “run”).
In living, to deliberate, increases the likelihood of a good (or positive) outcome.
The difference between deliberating versus procrastinating
Procrastinating or Procrastination (verb) (Merriam-Webster): 1a. …to put off intentionally the doing of something that should be done. 1b, …to put off intentionally and habitually 2a: (noun), the act or habit of procrastinating or putting off or delaying, especially something requiring immediate attention.
While both terms (deliberate and procrastination) reflect personal control, the two differ.
Deliberation subsumes procrastination (procrastination is flawed deliberation). Procrastination is a faulty process that short-stops an act. Deliberation is a purposeful activity precursory to an act. Procrastination’s primary goal is to delay an act. Deliberation’s main goal is to facilitate an optimal act.
Impulsive is a more precise contrasting term to deliberate than procrastinate. When a person acts impulsively, little or no thought (or deliberation) occurs before an act. Deliberation is counter to impulsiveness.
The American Psychological Association Dictionary defines “impulsive,” but it does not define “deliberate or deliberation,” although it would be useful to contrast the terms.
APA Dictionary definition of “impulsive”: adj. describing or displaying behavior characterized by little or no forethought, reflection, or consideration of the consequences of an action, particularly one that involves taking risks.
The APA dictionary defines “impulsive character” as a personality pattern marked by a tendency to act hastily and without adequate reflection on the possible consequences.
Deliberateness is connected to one’s “Will.”
The Continental philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer described “Will” as the ultimate human source of power and agency (I think animals have “Will” although it manifests differently than in humans). In his major work, “The World as Will and Representation (1818),” Schopenhauer asserts that we are conscious of ourselves as willing to do something. Our intrinsic core is “Will” and shows up in the quality of our desires, actions, emotions, and affects (think Lust). We shape our world through our “Will”. Our “rational, cognitive capability” gives us “superiority” in exercising our “Will”, however, Will can be hijacked (or distracted) by faulty cognition (procrastination) or by errant emotional/biological features of ourselves (authoritarianism).
Schopenhauer states that those who “Will” (action with a point or end) are at the mercy of suffering without a point or end. This means Will is foundationally “existential” or without ultimate existence and purpose. “Will” is a power on earth to move our earthly self and objects but nothing beyond this (Schopenhauer POV). If you read his work, which I have done, it boils down to this simple point. The topic of “Will” deserves an entire “After the Session Blog entry.”
People can (and do) deliberate prior to a “Willful” act. We “Will,” but we may inadvertently cause (ourselves or others) to suffer in the process. Deliberation temporarily suspends an act of “Will” to evaluate the implications of the Act of Will. This may be to determine/assess/consider the implications of a given “Willful act” for good or evil purposes or for long or short-term gain.
Almost no one would disagree that deliberating prior to acting is adaptive, particularly if there is time to deliberate and if the act is consequential. But it is hard to deliberate, and when one deliberates, one must postpone the act to do so. This makes deliberating a hard step in human action.
Impulsivity is the Opposite of Deliberation.
Most people are deliberate. YES or NO.
How Does Deliberation Work?
You feel the urge to use the bathroom; you hardly reflect on the urge because you know what it means and its implications (for you). The urge, your bladder is full, Will is activated: You need to relieve yourself. You “look for a bathroom,” or under some circumstances, a place to relieve yourself that will be private. The urge is NOT deliberation. The urge is a stimulus, possibly, for deliberation. Most people deliberate when they feel this urge. This is why incontinence in advanced age is so upsetting, because not only does the urge become faulty, but the time between urge and action is reduced.
The deadline for voting in a national election is approaching. You think, “Which candidate should I vote for?” You might study the candidates deliberately, their positions on issues, reflect on your views, and then decide to vote for the candidate in line with your own views. This is deliberation. You might, on the other hand, vote for a political party even though you don’t agree with the views of the individual candidate, which is counter to your political party’s views (or your views). Oh well, once a Republican, always a Republican, so you don’t deliberate; you just vote for the Republican candidate. This is still deliberation. You are disgusted with the whole political process, it makes you sick to think about it, so, in frustration, you decide NOT to vote at all. This is also deliberation.
Deliberation, by itself, is not the only source of good mental health, but it is a significant factor. It’s the quality of deliberation that promotes mental health.
How is Quality Deliberation related to “Good Mental Health”?
There is an obvious and not-so-obvious answer. The obvious is the adage, “Look before you Leap.”
The not-so-obvious is embedded in the implications of a lifetime of quality deliberation (without procrastination or other faulty processes).
How does one do this?
Dr. Hill, I’m a spontaneous/impulsive/act-on-a-whim kind of person. I enjoy being spontaneous! Deliberation is not my style. I’m an artist, I never deliberate! I like to get things done, and deliberation takes time. I have no patience for it. I go with my gut/intuition and where it takes me. I live for today, NOT tomorrow! I go with the flow or the crowd, whichever is present. My political party says vote this way, and I say millions of Americans can’t be wrong; my gut says, “vote with your party.”
People I see in therapy share their internal worlds with me. In the process, I’ve discovered that people fall into two camps.
The thoughtful indecisive
The emotional impulsive
There are many variations on these two themes (I’m in a relationship that’s not working for me. What should I do?) or a general concern (My meaning is lost, gone. How do I find it?). Deliberating can help with these concerns, but depending on what camp a person is in, there are costs to being thoughtful, indecisive, or emotionally impulsive. Even in psychopathology, whether Clinical Depression or Borderline Personality Disorder or Paranoia, if a person is in one or the other category, this shapes a pathological POV.
These categories do not always predict action, but they are important. The thoughtful, indecisive frequently “second guesses,” “feels guilty,” or “worries excessively” about an act or its consequence. The emotionally impulsive, guided only by intuition, will make more mistakes, getting into unwanted situations (over and over) due to impulsivity.
After years of doing therapy I now pay attention to this dichotomy.
Why?
Because it is fundamental to adaptation.
Are you Impulsive or Deliberate?
Psychological instruments measure “impulsivity”. As a construct, “impulsivity” is defined as “…tendency to act spontaneously and without deliberation”.
The Momentary Impulsivity Scale (MIS)
The MIS measures impulsivity precursory to action across multiple settings and situations: time of day, presence of stressors, mood, nutrition, amount of sleep, medication and (perceived) or experienced consequences. Impulsivity is NOT spontaneity because spontaneity requires deliberation, decisiveness requires deliberation. People with too much impulsivity, in general, have more trouble living well:
The Momentary Impulsivity Scale (MIS) ITEMS
I say things without thinking.
1=rarely/never 2=sometimes 3=frequently 4=almost always/always
I spend more money than I mean to.
1=rarely/never 2=sometimes 3=frequently 4=almost always/always
I feel impatient.
1=rarely/never 2=sometimes 3=frequently 4=almost always/always
I make “spur of the moment” decisions.
1=rarely/never 2=sometimes 3=frequently 4=almost always/always
Maximum score is 16 or High Impulsivity, minimum score is 4 or no impulsivity. People score between 7 to 12. If your score is 13 or higher your world is “impulsive”. If your score is from 4 to 6, you are not impulsive.
This is NOT a test of psychopathology. The authors state that impulsiveness is a normal way of acting on the world. We act impulsively from time to time. Conditions (within and outside) the person impact an impulsive act. The MIS does NOT predict good decision-making, but is correlated with depressive mood and quality of life. Higher MIS scores are related to poorer quality of life and a higher likelihood of psychopathology.
LIVING DELIBERATELY
A list of imperatives:
Make plans and follow those plans.
Consider more than one option to accomplish an action.
Find outside resources that do and DO NOT support your POV.
Honestly consider the opposite point of view before acting.
Avoid “impulse” acting. Stop, think for yourself, consider implications, then act.
Avoid, where possible, acting the same day you decide.
A personal mantra helps. (I’m a decent person, I’m a thoughtful person, I avoid doing harm). Invoke your mantra prior to an act.
Pace yourself, few things need to be decided, RIGHT NOW.
Living Deliberately or acting Impulsively is not a “pure” dichotomy. Everyone has a little of both. A Mentally Healthy Lifestyle is when impulsivity is in the minority: Use the: 90/10 (Deliberate/Impulsive) rule.
Sweet foods get sweeter when you add a little salt (or) a little impulsivity is good, a lot is bad.
Adopting a “deliberative” POV is not easy.
To be deliberative, requires that you:
Clarify you values.
What are your top three values that guide your behavior?
How are your values integrated in your act?
Consolidate your life.
Identify areas of your life that are “fragmented” or disconnected from who you are and what you want. Example: Buying a second home is only a good idea if you plan to use the home in your life routine. To buy a second home, pay taxes, a mortgage is fragmenting if it doesn’t fit your lifestyle routine. If you buy a home and it’s too small you might rent a storage locker. The storage locker is now a fragmented part of your life. Engaging in an extra-marital affair (perhaps on a whim or for whatever reason) creates a misery-laden, fragmented life.
Live within your means.
We all know the dangers of “credit card debt”. Avoid this kind of behavior at all costs. If you are in this situation, resolve it. Paying the minimum monthly dollars on credit card debt is fragmentation.
Be predictable in relationships.
If you meet with a friend and arrive late or leave early, this sends signals of impulsivity. Impulsivity engenders unpredictability in relationship behaviors. You now have problems with relationship fragmentation. If you offer to help someone, be available to help when the person needs your help. Never hedge. Hedging, if you have offered to help, demonstrates inconsistency and fragmentation in what you say and do.
Avoid over-commitment
Over-commitment is a consequence of impulsivity. People who over-commit, for whatever reason, lose touch with who they are and what they can and cannot do. Overcommitted people are frequently fragmented in their behaving and thinking. Commitment fragmentation is impulsivity.
THOUGHT PROBLEM:
Is credit card debt:
"1. Deliberative” or 2. Impulsive”.
Answer: Wanton credit card debt is impulsivity.
Answer: Credit card debt to pay for a medical surgery may or may not be deliberate.
Consider your lifestyle. What you do (daily). Who are you? Who do others think your are? How would others label your behavior?
Impulsive
or
Deliberative
We are frequently seen as one or the other, depending on the circumstance, setting, or others. When are you impulsive?
All the time
or
Once in a while
If, “All the Time”, deliberate on yourself and your lifestyle. Consider where you can change. Ask yourself:
How would being less impulsive enhance?
Who I am.
How other people view me.