Conflict: What is it good for?
Living in a Conflict-Prone World
Conflict: What is it Good For.
Conflict is everywhere. It’s hard to be neutral about conflict. All kinds of conflict exists, conflicts with an individual, with groups, with communities, with organizations, with nations. Conflicts with yourself, with things, conflicting ideas and viewpoints are particularly troublesome. Not a day goes by when you aren’t confronted with a conflict.
As a therapist, I hear about conflict all the time. I help people recognizes it, deal with it, manage it. It is embedded in psychopathology. People struggle with it, they feel conflict ridden and conflict torn. The “good life” is sometimes naively thought of as the life without conflict.
If conflict is such an integral part of life, why do people get worked-up about it. People even abhor anticipating conflict; that is, a conflict is coming and it’s only a matter of time until you are in it.
Conflict fills volumes. Below are a few books about it:
The Dymanics of Conflict. Bernard Mayer, 2012
High Conflict: Why we get trapped and how we get out. Amanda Ripley, 2021
Interpersonal Conflict. Joyce Hocker, Keith Berry, William Wilmot, 2022
There are long bibliographies on it, especially if you add to it, Conflict Resolution.
Conflict is the grist for self-help. From reading just a few books, it seems no one likes it and, short of eliminating it, the average person doesn’t know how to deal with it.
A few self-help books acknowledge conflict as a form of power, or as an avenue through which power is wielded, but even here, it is unclear just what conflict is. I guess, when there is conflict, one result is a battle, and there is a winner (or a victor) and a loser. Most self-help books try to make you the winner.
What is Conflict?
Why does it exist?
Is there any value in it?
Google defines “conflict” as: Primary - (Noun) A serious disagreement or argument [or struggle], typically a protracted one. Secondary definition (Verb): …be incompatible or at variance; clash.
I find Google definitions skewed towards group, interpersonal or social issues.
The best unbiased definition, in my view, comes from the Merriam Webster Dictionary. It’s been around to benefit from the wisdom of time.
Merriam Webster Dictionary defines “conflict” as: (Noun) 1 : FIGHT, BATTLE, WAR, an armed conflict (another name for war). 2 : competitive or opposing action of incompatibles : antagonistic state or action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons). Secondary definition (Verb): …to be different, opposed, or contradictory: to fail to be in agreement or accord…(example in a sentence: His statement conflicts with the facts.).
The philosophical underpinnings of the word “conflict” focus on its “archaic” definition. Conflict = War. To be sure, War is a clear manifestation of conflict. Unfortunately, War, which Rousseau argued: “…is constituted by a relation between things, and not between persons…War then is a relation, not between man and man, but between State and State…” (see The Social Contract)
I agree that conflict and war are linked. It is sometimes used as a synonym for war such as an armed conflict, but this pathway isn’t helpful in understanding how conflict impacts our intrapsychic awareness on a day to day basis even though life to some may seem at times like fighting a War.
I focus, instead, on definitions of conflict as a special kind of dissonance (or turbulence). This dissonance can be external or internal. External conflict would be obstacles someone faces in the world. Internal conflict would be a person’s internal or emotional obstacles or barriers. For example, an internal moral conflict would be between a person’s worldview or belief system and the world the person lives in. A person who believes “gambling is a sin” would experience internal conflict if standing in a casino.
Why Does Conflict Exist?
“Let there Be Peace on Earth, and Let it Begin with Me…” I’m listening to this song, right now, as I write this entry…I can feel myself change, slightly, emotionally, getting sentimental…This is, clearly, a utopian wish, “God as our Father…Brothers all are we…” It’s describing a traditional family structure (Mother, Father, Siblings all sitting around the Christmas Tree), emphasizing the most ancient of world beliefs/myths of the family unit as the elemental social clan. It is echoing a naive sense of the perfect family. Written by two composers, Jill Jackson-Miller and Sy Miller in 1955 for an International Children’s Choir, the song was first performed in Long Beach, CA.
Why do I bring this song up? It’s not even Christmas. Some might think, “Dr. Hill has gone off his rocker and has become overly sentimental.” OK, that’s one hypothesis, but the actual reason I present it is that the song telegraphs a wish for a world without conflict. A utopian ideal,
What is PEACE?
Peace Defined: Oxford Dictionary: (Noun) 1. freedom from disturbance; tranquility. 2. a state or period in which there is no war or a war has ended. (NOTE: Human beings like to focus on War.)
One might argue that Peace is a social and environmental state without the existence of disturbance (or conflict), internal or external.
QUESTION: Would you want this wish (Peace on Earth)? Think about it. Is this the world you would want to live in? If so, you can forget every entertaining television show that you ever watched (unless, of course, you only watch the Hallmark Channel…But, conflict is even here from time to time).
Why Does Conflict Exist? The Larger Perspective
This question requires a “History of the World and Humanity Perspective.” I start with the precise question Why does Conflict Exist? First, because people, as a rule, possess self-interest. When a baby is born, it isn’t concerned about other people, it’s only concerned about itself. How to get self-needs met, At All Costs. If the baby is hungry it cries and cries until fed. If left alone, it cries and cries until held. Not concerned about the welfare of the mother, it cries louder, the better, in the baby’s mind. It is only concerned about itself. A newborn baby has a high degree of self-need and self-interest.
Second, because the world has limited resources. As the baby grows and develops, it eventually realizes that resources (even for the baby) are limited. It LEARNS to suspend it’s own self-needs in the presence of a limited-resource world.
Third, there are gigantic individual differences within and across persons. This is also true of groups, communities, and Nation States. There are compelling geopolitical arguments based on the premise that War is not due to ideological issues, but rather, on limited resources which vary between Nation States. Some people’s needs are simply other people’s wants. Sometimes, needs are common to all, for example the need for water. I abstract below editorial comments on the Israel and Palestinian Conflict. Familiar conflict-related terms appear in this conflict-ridden region of the world. Water is a resource, but also an obstacle.
Obstacles to Arab-Israeli peace: Water
(Martin Asser, BBC News, 2 September 2010)
The so-called Six-Day War in 1967 arguably had its origins in a water dispute - moves to divert the River Jordan, Israel's main source of drinking water…on the margins of one of the most arid environments on earth, the available water system had to support not just the indigenous population, mainly Palestinian peasant farmers, but also hundreds of thousands of immigrants... In the 1967 war Israel gained exclusive control of the waters of the West Bank and the Sea of Galilee, although not the Litani. Those resources - the West Bank's mountain aquifer and the Sea of Galilee - give Israel about 60% of its fresh water, a billion cubic metres per year…Heated arguments rage about the rights to the mountain aquifer. Israel, and Israeli settlements, take about 80% of the aquifer's flow, leaving the Palestinians with 20%…Israel allocates to its citizens, including those living in settlements in the West Bank deemed illegal under international law, between three and five times more water than the Palestinians…With water consumption outstripping supply in both Israel and the Palestinian territories, Palestinians say they are always the first community to be rationed as reserves run dry, with the health problems that entails…Syria [also] wants an Israeli withdrawal to 5 June 1967 borders, allowing Syria access to the Jordan and Yarmouk rivers. Israel wants to use boundaries dating back to 1923 and the British Mandate, which give the areas to Israel… Former UN Secretary General Boutros Boutros-Ghali may not have been right when he said in the 1990s that the next war in the Middle East would be about water not politics, but a future war over water is not out of the question.
If you want to study conflict at a Nation-State level, this area of the world is a perfect laboratory. All points of conflict: a. self-interest, b. limited resources, c. individual differences, and d. needs versus wants are represented.
Is There Value in Conflict?
The answer to this question is an unequivocal YES. I write this affirmative statement with the knowledge that human beings are born into a conflicted world, with a conflict-ridden history from the get go. Therefore, from birth onward, every single person faces conflict. Conflict is synonymous with Struggle and Toil. Every single great and universal belief/myth that exists in our world today has “conflict” “struggle” and “toil” as part of the story, most of the time it’s the focus.
The Greek gods were in constant conflict with each other. “Ares” as an example, was the Greek god of war. Ares is late Greek, and symbolizes the distasteful aspects of brutal warfare and human slaughter.
Perhaps the oldest known World myth comes from the “Mesopotamian Epic of Creation Tablet” c. 1750 BCE. NOTE: Writing began: 3400 and 3300 BCE, Fully operational writing systems were in place about 900-600 BCE.
I abstract a pivotal and ancient story below. The story was taken from the artifact below. My focus is on this story versus the familiar Christian Garden of Eden Story because it predates the Garden of Eden Story by Centuries and elements of the Garden of Eden Story are part of this ancient myth/belief.
The Myth goes like this:
There was a war over the undifferentiated waters swirling in chaos. From this War, the waters were divided into fresh water (symbolized as the husband god Apsu) and salty, bitter water (symbolized as the wife goddess Tiamat). Once differentiated, young gods were born to the couple. These young gods were problematic, extremely loud and unruly, and they troubled the sleep of Apsu distracting him from work. The younger gods learn about this issue through their mother goddess Tiamat, and they organize and kill Apsu while he sleeps. (A conflicted family). Tiamet (mother) is enraged that these younger gods have killed her husband, so Tiamat summons the forces of chaos to create eleven monsters to destroy these younger god children. All this mischief angers an even larger god, Marduk (the Big God, father of Apsu and Taimet, Grandfather of younger gods). Marduk kills Tiamat by shooting her with an arrow which splits her in two. From her eyes flow the waters of the Trigis and Euphrates Rivers. (So much for PEACE ON EARTH here).
Out of Tiamat’s corpse Marduk creates the heavens and the earth, he appoints subordinate gods to various duties and binds Tiamat's eleven creatures to his feet as trophies. Marduk consults with the god Ea (the god of wisdom) and decides to create human beings from the remains of the child gods of Apsu and Tiamat (Think of Adam and Eve). Ea creates Lullu (think Adam), the first man, to be a helper to the gods in their eternal task of maintaining order in the world and fending off chaos (Think of toiling by the sweat of their brow - Adam and Eve)
Why Tell This Story?
Good question. First, Perfection is a human fabrication including ideas like: (“God is perfect”, “the personal pursuit of perfection”, “peace on earth”, “Lamb lies down with the Lion, NOTE: At least in my reading the Bible, it never said this although it is a nice saying. It is, however, implied, [“wolf and the lamb shall graze together, Isaiah 65:25.]” “Christ will return and bring peace, long life and joy - Isaiah 9:6-7). These conflict-free biblical statements are quasi-modern articulations of a utopian ideal, whether from a religious, philosophical (Plato) or sociological human-generated point of view. As modern human beings go, we like the idea of pursuing perfection (although it also drives us crazy) because it fits our eventual perfect world ideology through technology and science and contemporary Christian religiosity. These ideals are not historically consistent or valid. They are naive interpretations of an ideal on an individual, group, and societal level. “No one ever lived a “Charmed Life.” No one ever will. The last time I saw a wolf and a lamb lie down together and eat, the wolf was eating lamb’s meat.
The Greek gods were in continual conflict with themselves, with other gods, with humans, with nature, with just about everything, and they were far from absolutely perfect. At times they were mischievous and even stupid acting. The “Ancient” Gods, before Greece, were constantly troubled, fighting, at War with other Gods or the elements (recall: War=Conflict). Nowhere in the history of the World are there perceptions that we will have “Peace on Earth” permanently. That we will be conflict-free. The World was not created in a conflict-free framework. Frankly, it’s not an idea the ancients could even imagine.
To imagine a point in time, say, before one dies, where all conflict and all obstacles are gone, or that becoming perfect (or even getting close to it) during one’s lifetime is achievable is not thinking clearly. Conflict, is here, from birth to death. It’s not good or bad. Sometimes it is big or small, trivial or monumental, but never good or bad. Human beings DID NOT invent conflict, they were born into it and biologically adapted to deal with it. Human beings invented “perfection” “peace on earth” “nirvana” in all its forms and shapes and descriptions.
Second, Conflict is a sign that things are happening. It is a clarification of the struggle and toil of living. It is a celebration, of sorts, of reality. When someone experiences conflict, as a therapist, I think, “OK, now we are getting somewhere.” “Now, this client is ready to share with me the real struggle of living.” It takes a while just to get to this point for many people. Conflict helps us orient ourselves to deal with challenges and obstacles.
When you walk or run for exercise, you experience conflict. You groan, don’t want to do it, and when you start walking it is hard, “I don’t want to do this…I think I’ll go half the distance today because I’m thirsty, my body is creaking.” You are in conflict with yourself. Is this good or bad? Neither, it simply is. Then, you push on, you start feeling a little better, the task isn’t any easier, you just feel better, then you approach the end, you start to feel good, “Great! I’ve got this done today.” The task has stayed the same, you have just adjusted to the difficulty. If you stop half-way (say you are running) it’s tough to start again and then keep it up. Why? Not because the task has changed, but you have changed. You’ve experienced relief too soon, the struggle wasn’t over, but you stopped, now you have to start again, from zero. You pick yourself up, start again, feel enormous resistance (conflict) push on through it and keep going. You say, “Wow! I’m not going to stop half-way again if I can help it because that was painful.” The task never changed, you have been changing the whole time, in your mind, in your body, in your soul. And, this is just a simple walk/run for exercise.
Conflict and Inner Turbulence
In therapy, I frame things from a reference point of personal and external turbulence. We are born into a turbulent world (see earlier entries in this bog on Emotional Turbulence). Turbulence is part of our inner psychic makeup. Just like conflict, we feel turbulence every day.
Turbulence defined: (noun) (1) Violent or unsteady movement of air or water, or of some other fluid. (2) a state of confusion (or conflict) without any order. Synonyms for turbulence are: conflict, confusion.
Everyone has experienced inner turbulence. Our bodies are hard-wired for it, and it is a fine line when the mediator psychic system between steady/calm and turbulent gets out of whack as is the case in some psychopathological conditions such as bipolar disorder. But, inner turbulence is not only for those with a mental health disease or condition, it affects us all because we are all vulnerable to the “dis-ease” associated with conflict.
I plan to devote an entire entry to dealing with intra-personal turbulence. Can this feeling state tell us about our inner selves and our world. If we have too much turbulence, we might fit in the category of borderline personality disorder, if we have too little we might fit into the category of Alexithymia (approximately 10% of the population experience alexithymia). (Alexithymia = A defect characterized by difficulties in identifying, distinguishing and expressing emotions). Dealing with intrapersonal turbulence is a valuable skill in our modern-day era.
End of Entry
October 2, 2022
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